Question of the Week: Have you ever thought of quitting?

[jpapadpapa]

Have you ever thought of quitting? I am probably a very rare example of someone who really has not considered it. I think it's just my stubborn personality! I tend to be pretty open-minded in a lot of ways, but when I am fully convinced of something, it takes a lot to change my mind, especially when it has to do with conviction. I am also pretty laid-back, so if we have a bad day, I don't usually let it get to me. But most people have considered quitting at one point or another, so I'm interested to hear about your experiences! What pushed you to that point and what kept you from actually quitting?

[Shyla]

Well, I'm sitting here having just done a 'mini-quit.' We were going over language arts (head colds this week moved us to catching up on a Saturday morning), and the bickering that ensued prompted a closing of the books with chores as a replacement. However, we will resume in an hour or so when tempers will hopefully have cooled a bit and more can be accomplished.

This is the latter half of my seventeenth year of homeschooling. I began with the common declaration of a-year-at-a-time pledge, but in my heart I knew it was for good and all. Like Danielle, I have never seriously considered quitting. I HAVE had my days of being majorly stuck in the slough of self-doubt, and I HAVE had my seasons of heart-hammering fear of being able to graduate a child and bring his home education to completion, and I HAVE had my afternoons of closing the bedroom door behind me and calling a friend as I feel so solidly defeated. But I never seriously considered quitting.

In earlier years, I feared my husband might think the schools could offer more; but with each year he got more and more on board with the results he saw being reaped. It wasn't the academics - my children are all simply average. It was the change the Lord worked in my academically-minded husband, to understand and see as the Lord does - our hearts. Our kids have all done fine educationally, but homeschooling has always been more about the teaching and training up of our kids to be men and women who know and seek the Lord. Our family relationships have been blessed, their character has been molded and shaped, and their values were rightly calibrated before sending them out to learn how to stand in the world. For this we thank God for the opportunity to homeschool. It has served as the means to those ends.

I've feared dying before I could finish, but I never considered quitting. I have three or four more years left and I'm looking forward to having finished the race, but for now I'm still solidly in it - thanks be to God.

His peace alone,
Shyla

[wendygrant2004@yahoo.com]

I actually did, and my daughter has entered the public system. I miss being a home school mom, but we haven't given up teaching at home altogether. A few years ago we experienced a big change in our lives. We now care for an elderly parent with a special set of needs. It was a very difficult decision to make. The few, precious years I was able to teach her from home are treasured. Some of those treasured things include our special all day pjs, choosing electives the public system can't offer, and being able to travel more freely. God is good. No matter what we choose for our children, the support we give them is what helps them to live a life of success.

[jpapadpapa]

What insightful and wonderful posts! It is so helpful to hear about others' journeys and I'm so glad you chimed in, Wendy. It's good to hear from someone who actually did and the reasons why.

I HAVE had my days of being majorly stuck in the slough of self-doubt, and I HAVE had my seasons of heart-hammering fear of being able to graduate a child and bring his home education to completion, and I HAVE had my afternoons of closing the bedroom door behind me and calling a friend as I feel so solidly defeated. But I never seriously considered quitting.

Now this I can completely relate to! I have this fear of the high school years and like anyone, struggle with feelings of self-doubt. I am such a scatter-brained person who has a hard time focusing on one thing at a time. My brain is constantly in a million different directions with a million different ideas so that I hardly finish a thing! This idea-laden brain of mine sometimes feels like a burden. But I have to remember that God gave me this brain and personality and He can use it just as much as He can use the scheduled, task-driven kind. One thing I've learned about homeschooling is that there is no perfect type of parent to do it. We are all equipped because we are each training individuals...individuals that He gave to us! He knows what is best. And it is not all about what we can provide for our kids, either...sometimes it is about what God through this path of homeschooling does to change us. God is definitely using homeschooling to mold me into a better person...more conscientious, self-disciplined, and patient!

I miss being a home school mom, but we haven't given up teaching at home altogether.

Wendy, that is the real key, I think! We should all be homeschooling as much as possible, but some of us do have to make tough decisions with regard to formal education. It is good that you haven't lost the heart of homeschooling! Maybe someday you can return to it full-time.

[Karen Davis]

I accidentally picked up a book about hsing when my now 23 yr old was 3 months old. The idea immediately resonated with me for so many reasons. I knew I wanted to homeschool. So depending on when you want to count from, I have been hsing a long time. I can honestly say that I have never really thought about quitting in the way that I think you are asking. I did consider putting my children in school twice, both times due to a problem that I have had with depression that became particularly acute twice. One of those times was after the still birth of my 4th child. I muscled through for about 8 months and then crashed about August of that year. It was either go on meds or put the kids in school. I choose the meds and it was a good choice. Another one of those times was after the birth of my 5th (and last) child. It had been a very difficult pregnancy followed by a week in NICU when he aspirated fluid. Husband lost job at 3 weeks old and we moved cross country for him to go to work for my mom in her business at 6 weeks old. Not surprisingly, I developed a severe case of PPD. This was the same summer that the mom in TX drowned her children. She actually had post partum psychosis. Anyhow, it was a terrifying time. I considered doing school again BUT it made no sense to put my older ones in school to leave me home with an infant in that case. And putting a baby in day care simply wasn't an option for me.

Having said all that, I believe that every family and situation is different. I could have easily made different choices. I adore homeschooling and believe that anyone who wants to enough can do it but that doesn't mean it is easy. And when you add up several ways that we now think is "best" to raise children, it can put a lot of stress on women who may be nearly all on their own to handle it. What I mean is (and I am not putting any of these choices down, just trying to make a point) when a woman chooses to have more children, homebirth, breastfeed, make all her own food, homeschool, homestead, use cloth diapers, etc, etc, it can really add up. Take any 2 or 3 of those and you have a lot more work piled on. And stress/guilt for some of those NOT chosen if a woman is in a group that values them.

Okay, I think I am answering a different question! Not sure why I took off on that tangent. It is a bit of a thing for me I suppose.

Oh Shyla, I so related to your "average children" comment. Mine have talents but academically speaking, quite average in most ways. It was a shock to me because I was mildly gifted and just imagining what I could have done if I were homeschooled! Of course, I knew what I was comparing to and my children do not. It was one reason those high school workshops were so hard for me to develop - I have no "big" story to tell in that area, only lots of "how you manage when things don't go as planned" kind of stories. Which are really helpful but quite painful at times to the mom telling them.

[Shyla]

So nice to read all of your posts. I am so grateful that we live in a country where we can homeschool if we choose to and the Lord provides the ways and means. If my circumstances had included other burdens to carry, I'd have had to accept that and seek guidance for what He had in store for us, as you each mentioned.

I once sat on a panel (mostly silently) with three other homeschooling Moms; we were there as the seasoned veterans who'd graduated some of our's and were supposed to have some sort of wisdom to share. The other mothers had lots of great information to help those who'd not yet gotten to graduation year. It really was a wonderfully diverse range of options, choices, and experiences among them. At the last, I finally had to speak. All I'd done, really, was managed. In my oldest son's 9th grade year, I lost my dear sister on Christmas Eve. I really went on auto-pilot for the next few years. The nifty curriculum/grades tracker I'd purchased to facilitate record-keeping fell by the wayside and I never managed to regain a hold of it. My boys stepped up and I limped along as best I could. Eventually, the Lord worked healing and forgiveness in my heart over my grief. It seemed that right after that hurdle was cleared, my system went into a peri-menopausal hyper-drive of panic over how I was going to ever create a transcript, not being a college graduate myself. Nobody seemed to understand and I felt very alone on this one. We wound up delaying the oldest's graduation for a year so that both boys graduated together (God's timing which allowed us to travel together as a family for the adoption of our girls, and gave us a year of essential bonding prior to the college years.) I really just pulled things together because I had to and made it up as I went along. So I sat there on that panel as essentially the "if I can do it, so can you" woman. God simply provided and filled all my holes and emptiness.

And yet no sooner had we gotten through it when I began panicking over the next child I'd have to graduate! Surely an attack from the enemy if I ever saw one... We managed and he's off to school now as well.

Regarding the issue of simply being average, upon entering college my oldest once commented, "I feel like Bree from the Chronicles of Narnia, a talking horse who now is living among other talking animals and is seeing how prideful he'd been." What a wonderful epiphany. God has been good, like He is, all the time.

God's peace,
Shyla

[Springway Classical]

I have homeschooled my son from the beginning and always felt it was the best choice for our family. When he was very young, my reasons included my own desire to spend time with my child, a concern about undesired behavioral influences, a feeling that the highly structured nature and discipline of the classroom experience would "break his spirit," and a belief that one-on-one instruction would provide an academic advantage. Some of these reasons were probably unfounded, but I do believe that being able to learn at his own pace with one-on-one instruction and being exposed to many activities, cultural and educational, accelerated his learning and provided a sound foundation for his academic future. We have always made our decision to homeschool one year at a time.

Danielle started this thread exactly one day after I made the decision to choose public school for my son starting the 2012-2013 school year. It has been quite a while since I posted in the WINGS forum. Because of the coincidental timing of the question and my decision, I thought this would be a good time to speak up.

Homeschooling the elementary grades was pure pleasure. Each year it was a no-brainer to make the decision to continue our journey together. We continued to see great strides in middle school with more independent studies, enrichment classes requiring more student responsibility, and activities that created confidence, use of good judgment, and recognition of talents. Middle school proved to be both challenging and exhilarating. Each year required more teacher preparation, a stretching of my personal expertise, and a stronger commitment to include outside programs and courses. Add the social and sports commitments of a typical young teen, and the schedule is full enough to make me glad I have only one child. We continued because we had freedom, flexibility, fun, and because we both learned so darn much.

High school is around the corner. Many of those earlier reasons no longer apply. Yes, I still enjoy spending time with my son; but let’s face it…he would rather be around his peers. There is still (and always will be) a parent’s concern about undesired behavioral influences, but by this time, if we’ve done our job as parents, a child’s character will be his/her armor. Any concerns about a school’s strict structure and discipline have, quite frankly, disappeared and at this stage would be highly preferable. My son’s spirit cannot be broken. I know. I’ve tried on occasion. One reason, and it has always been our main reason for homeschooling, still stands…the academic benefit. I struggled with his desire to attend public school with his neighborhood friends. I struggled with what our family would be willing to sacrifice for private schools that cost more than college tuition. We looked at what courses were offered and what would provide a good academic challenge. We compared, we weighed many factors, and I was at a loss for what to do.

The public schools are hurting. Budget cuts have eliminated teachers, certain courses, and programs. Classroom sizes are up and teacher morale is down. This is happening nation-wide. Recently, however, NC has implemented what it hopes to be a solution. Homeschoolers have used on-line distance learning, colleges are offering on-line courses left and right. Now, through the NC Virtual Public School program, public high school students will have access to online courses with highly qualified teachers in subjects that they may not be available at their local school (depending on the district’s budget). This means that schools who had to cut teachers and courses can provide their students online AP classes, Honors classes, and World Languages (Latin, Chinese, German, etc.). In addition, our NC community college system has become even more accessible to high school students desiring accelerated courses. Some of my concerns about academic opportunities are dissolving.

Still, we all know there are behavioral issues to consider. But I feel my son has had a good foundation and his time has come to stand tall. With all the negatives we hear, I also hear about students holding fund raisers to benefit breast cancer awareness, and to fund cancer treatment and research in honor of a classmate who died of a brain tumor. They donate books and school supplies to underprivileged children. Many are doing what we are asking our nation to do…take adversity and make something positive out of it. Pull up your bootstraps, get going and get things done. Not all students are willing. Some do nothing or drop out. But there is definitely a movement beginning to make a difference…and it is gaining momentum. That’s a lesson worth learning.

So, we will turn to a new chapter and my son will attend public high school in the fall. I’m not completely closing the book on homeschooling. All my research and planning might fall short. If it does, we can always open a future chapter to see what will work best for our son’s education.

[jpapadpapa]

My son’s spirit cannot be broken. I know. I’ve tried on occasion.

Oh, Bonnie, haven't we all! What parent has not been guilty of that at one time or another?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this! With all the replies, I must have really struck on something here. It is so helpful for everyone to hear different perspectives. I hope your son stands strong in all you've taught him and has a great year next year! And feel free to post some more in the meantime!

[Karen Davis]

Bonnie - WOW - big decision! I am sending best hopes for an amazing year of your (and his) journey. I think that strong minded young people can flourish in school. There is one point that in retrospect, my oldest and I agree that we would have sent her to school for a few year if things hadn't been so crazy. That was right before we moved here in Alabama. She would have been a sophomore and would likely have benefitted from the additional experience of "going to school' in her career as a writer and I seriously doubt whether the influences would have harmed her at all. Now my middle two have had absolutely no desire to go to school before college and I can't really see my youngest doing it either unless it is a special situation. But you really don't know. I have all but elminated the word "never" from my vocabulary.

My second thought was entirely selfish - like OH NO, no more cool resources from Bonnie via email?!! What are YOU going to do? Not that there won't be plenty, just wondering if you have exciting plans for all that free time (read HAHAHA, like any involved mom has loads of free time).